Still counting my blessings. I want to slip into the prayer closet a while tonight, to go beyond my usual prayer time. I've been neglectful lately, with a lot of things, and the holiday break seems to have been good for me, to get my head on a touch straighter. It's never going to be absolutely there, but God knows I'm trying. :)
I need to finish up a couple of books, and this afternoon, I actually pounced on (or it pounced on me) the solution to my block on Murder. I was stuck on how a certain piece of information gets to my detective, and it was there, right in front of me. The climax is set up now . . . all I have to do is get it down on paper.
So I want to finish those projects so I can get back to the writing. Maybe that, too, will add a calmer nature to my spirit.
Hey, we can always hope.
I’ve tried to blog the last few days, only to stare at the screen and draw a complete blank. My mind was on gifts, books, plots, workshops, food . . . almost anything except what to say in this small spot of my life. In fact, that kinda sums up the past few days. I was caught in such a whirlwind, I couldn’t even think.
Part of that chaos was to make a quick trip to my mom’s. Scurry, scurry, down and back in less than 24 hours. We talked about her health, my work, Medicare, my brother, and all the other usuals. But the 2½-hour trip was made a bit easier by a book on CD. Robert Crais’s LA Requiem. I found myself caught up in his incredibly picturesque prose and a plot that has me intrigued.
With the craziness of my life right now, one of the things that has fallen by the wayside is my time to read just for pleasure. Not for work or workshopping. Just for fun. So I got a 5-hour break this week that I wouldn’t have had without some of the craziness.
I had a good time with my mom, and I found myself scolding myself, reminding myself to do less whining and more counting of the blessings in my world. It helped. A lot.
So I hope you all had a joyous--and crazy--holiday. :)
As of this writing, I'm on the faculty of two 2006 writers conferences. At the end of May, I'll be teaching three topics at the Blue Ridge Writers Conference in North Carolina, and in June, I'll be in the writer-rich Texas Panhandle at the Frontiers in Writing Conference (topic tba).
These are two fabulous conferences, so please check out their websites for more info (Memberships make marvelous Christmas presents for your favorite writer....). I'll be posting about them again from time to time.
I have a friend who says the hardest thing about prayer is shutting up long enough to listen for an answer. Not only that, she says sometimes she doesn't even realize she's gotten an answer until a couple of weeks later. We call that the "two-week effect"--that sudden thump on your head when you realize God's been working all along; you just weren't paying attention.
My friend says she loves that reassurance, but the occasional neon sign dropped on her lawn would be good, too. Definitely easier to spot.
I recently had one of those two-week thumps. I've been asking for some reassurance, some guidance that I was on the right path, with an additional note that if I were going to continue, I was going to have to find a way to secure some extra funds.
About a week after I sent that prayer heavenward, my phone rang. Twice. After weeks on inactivity with my freelance career, I received calls from two of my contacts, asking if I could do a couple of rush jobs. Later, as I worked on one, I thought about how my writing would be a bit delayed, but the extra cash would be ni.......*thump*
I actually wept as I gave thanks. Sometimes prayer affects me that way, too.
One book came out in April. I have a "Dollar Download" available from Echelon, and another on the way. I have a book coming out in 2007, now titled A Murder Among Friends, formerly Jackson's Retreat. I'm trying to sell two more, and I have a bunch more in the works. Some time between now and then, I need to turn myself into a marketing queen.
Not my forte, believe me. This is immediately evident just by looking at this blog, since all the promotional tips I read indicate that you should keep a blog, update it at least daily, preferably more than once a day, and keep an email list of folks you contact. I can't help but prefer writing. Still....
Bear with me. I'll give it my best shot...
Today starts with a prayer and a sigh. Lots of prayers, only a few sighs.
The storms that moved through last night were awesome, in the truest sense of that word. I found myself caught in one wave of them, with wind buffeting my car around and water about six inches deep on the road. The spectacular lightning strikes, however, kept drawing my eyes as well. Atmospheric, cloud-to-cloud, cloud-to-ground, some so close that my skin tingled.
When I got home, Phyllis and Rachel were both asleep. “The storms didn’t bother you?” I asked, knowing we’d been relatively close to a couple of funnel clouds already. “Nah,” Phyllis said. “Rach and I talked about it. We decided that if it was time for us to go be with God, there was nobody we’re rather go with than each other.”
Well, it’s not as if there are a lot of options where I live. No shelters, only one wall that’s not an outside wall, no windowless rooms that aren’t full of appliances. Might as well say those prayers and settle down for a nap. It does help that we live in a hole. Leaving home means going up in every direction, which makes for some muggy days, but tornadoes tend to hop over us. Or at least they have before.
Later, we stood on the patio and watched the storms, saying a quick prayer for those who were most effected…and watched the lightning, awed and thankful to consider that God is even more powerful than the strongest storm that nature can lash against us….
Sometimes I wonder what drives us to make certain choices. Obviously, priorties have a lot to do with it, but how do we assign those priorities? What drives us.
As a mom, I've put Rachel at the top of my list. Almost all I do these days is oriented around what I think will be best for her. Submerging my own ego in order to do that has been one of the hardest struggles of my life, because her needs stand so diametrically opposed to my own desires and dreams.
Yet the ego is a strong force, one of the most powerful drives in all of life. Ever so often, it bubbles out and over, like lava that has been so tightly sealed beneath the crust. The result is a searing frustration with life in general, and it feeds a restlessness that can be almost strangling. If I'm not careful, it will push me into one of the darker places in my soul.
Fighting it, shoving the lava back beneath the surface, is never easy. And it clouds even the tiniest decision: Am I doing "this" because I want it or because it's right for Rachel? The answer isn't usually as clear as I'd like.
I guess this is where that trust in God comes in. Prayer, meditation, pleading. Lots of pleading, for guidance, for direction, for CLARITY. Now if I can just remember to listen.
Special blogger greetings to Judith and Marla. I appreciate you chiming in on this mostly bereft blog. I've not felt much like posting this week. Life has been busy, with a few deadlines thrown in for good measure. Plus, I'm spending less time online at home, as I do more writing and packing.
The restlessness is an ongoing urge, that I fight hard to control. I'm going to look at three condos tomorrow, and if I really want to buy a loft downtown, I need to make a two to three-year plan to make it happen.
Found out yesterday that I won't be getting any extra funds from the first Steeple Hill book I sold to help out along that line, since it won't be releast until some time in 2007. I'm disappointed, but I understand how the publishing game works. I'm hoping to do some things in the meantime to build my name, so that I can do all I can to promote the book for its short shelf life.
I really need about five or six more hours in the day. There is simply never enough time to do all I want to do. How people can be bored is beyond me.
Okay, time to edit. See y'all over the weekend.