Thoughts and Musings

Postscript to an Obssession

I spent much of the evening with my realtor and made a call to my mortgage broker. If all goes well with the second viewing tomorrow, I may make an offer on a house.

Nightmares and panic attacks to come. Maybe.

A Risky Consideration

One of my favorite sayings reminds me of a number of essential things in my life: Faith, trust in God, the brevity of life.

"Sometimes, when God is trying to nudge you off a ledge, it's because He knows you can fly."

I've stood on a lot of ledges in my life, both as a writer and as a woman. When it was God, I did some serious soaring, rising quite high on His thermal winds. Sometimes, however, it wasn't God who was doing the nudging, so I've definitely had a few metaphorical bloody noses. The squishing sound of failure is never pleasant. Thus, I've often prayed for the gift of discernment as well as wisdom. Sometimes this works, and I can tell right away whether that thumbprint on my shoulder blade is God's. Other times, it's a lot harder....like now.

I have felt this drive to buy a house for more than a year. It's almost like an obsession. I can't stay away from open houses, realtor.com, and I can spot a for sale sign a mile away. Until August, it was a useless idea, because I didn't have the credit power or money to swing it. Now, it's like a burn.

Unfortunately, this is an urge that's also laced with a great deal of fear. I get close to a home I like and is working for Rachel, and I freak out. The shakes, nightmares, a streak of fear in my gut that's like a raw wound. And I flee into the woodwork, terrified of the prospect. Two days later, my nose is back in the classifieds.

Hi, I'm Ramona, and I have a house-hunting addiction.

Two of my friends have threatened intervention, and a third has suggested I need therapy.

Obviously, part of the fear comes from the cross between financial considerations and my daughter's health. I'd need to stay in a house for at least three years to build up any appreciation for resale. But what if Rachel dies before then? Will I want to stay in a house where she dies? Her health is relatively stable and has been for some time. If I buy a house, am I gambling on her to live?

No wonder people think I need therapy. But the drive to buy has become almost overwhelming, even though I still don't know whether it's an urge from God or that other guy...or just my own willful spirit who is feeling trapped and smothered by the apartment. Either way, the topic of conversation with my friends has recently shifted from my insanity to the nature of risk.

Risk. TS Eliot said, "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." Then there's my favorite Ray Bradbury version: "Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down." Then there's the one from Joyce Brothers that really made me look twice: "I think we should follow a simple rule: if we can take the worst, take the risk."

I know I can take the worst. That's what trusting God is all about.

Or as Arthur Koestler said: "If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out."

Today, I have appointments to see two houses.

Finished!!

Over the weekend, I revised A Picture Perfect Murder, completing the second draft. Yesterday, I sent it off to a potential agent. *Insert: cheers!*

I waited for the post-project slump, but I think I'd had too much Coke Zero. I was so hyper that I dove right into the next project, an article (overdue), and I started the snowflake on Clues in the Clay. By this weekend, I want to finish up the study questions I'm working on for a friend's book, as well as the article, so I can dive into Clues next week. My plan is to be finished by the end of March. *Insert: LOTS of cheers!*

But first....sleep. Even though Phyllis has had Rach much of these two weeks, I'm still dead on my feet, and not sleeping very well. Still . . . I feel a sense of accomplishment that I've not had in a long time. I almost coo with it. Disgusting. ha! Must be all those Omega-3s I'm taking.

Tomorrow...Excerpts. :)

A Little Reminder

I don't have much time this morning, but a friend (thanks, Jerry!) sent me this and I had to post it before I left. Hugs to all.

A Christmas Prayer
Robert Louis Stevenson

O God, our loving Father, help us
Rightly to remember the birth of Jesus,
That we may share in the song of the
Angels, the gladness of the shepherds
And the worship of the wise men.

Close the door of hate and open the
Door of love all over the world.

Deliver us from evil by the blessing
That Christ brings, and teach us
to be merry with clear hearts.

May the Christmas morning make us happy
To be thy children and the Christmas
Evening bring us to our beds with
Grateful thoughts, forgiving, and
Forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

My plans have changed, so I'll be offline for a few days starting tomorrow. Going to see my mom early. I'll be back Christmas Eve night. Right now, I'm listening to Amy Grant's Home for Christmas CD and singing my heart out. My upstairs neighbors have moved out, so I'm taking advantage with a lot of blasting music until new ones move in! :) I want to sing "Breath of Heaven" next year for church. Hm...maybe some Mannheim Steamroller next...they're great for singing and cleaning. ;)

I'm doing a quick load of laundry, then taking time to pack and do some time in my prayer closet. I've had so much astonishing things happen to me this year, and I have so much to be grateful for. Right now, I'm going to make a cup of hot chocolate and snuggle down to watch a little Leno while the clothes rinse.

I hope each and every one of you have the most blessed Christmas ever. I hope lots of hugs and prayers come your way, and you find smiles and love on everyone you care for.

Love and Joy,
r

The Weekend Before Christmas

The older I get, the less important holidays become. I don't have a lot of family to gather with, and I find that gifts mean a lot less to me than they did twenty years ago. I'd much rather my friends buy me a hamburger and spend an hour chatting than drop a CD on me they aren't sure I'm going to like.

Which may be why I love the weekend before Christmas so much. We had our cantata this weekend, which went well. We had a good turnout, a focus on the Lord, and some amazing food afterwards. Music, friends, and food. For me, it doesn't get any better.

I vote for a GENTLER way of celebrating. Why not give the gift of saying, "I love you," not only to Christ the Lord, but to everyone who life and friendship means "Christmas" to us, all year 'round.

Just a Reminder

Blogs, like email, can be the recipients of porn spam. In this case, I have to clean out 20-30 of them off my comments every week. They usually appear on old entries, so most readers to my blog won't see them (I hope). If you do, please know that I'll delete it as soon as I find it.

That's also why some entries are closed to comment, especially those that are a month old or older. I love hearing from my readers, but I figure that few are going to post on an entry from back in July. :)

Now. On to better things....

A Great Little Stocking Stuffer

A touch of shameless self-promotion here...

This is my new book, which makes a great little gift for the women on your list. At only $5.00, it's an easy way to drop a little extra something in their stockings this Christmas. You can order it from Amazon, or from me. Just drop me an email (ramona@ramonarichards.com).

It features 60 short devotionals, which are based on well-known women, biblical women, or just regular folks I know. Below is an excerpt from the book.

From the back cover:
Confidence is yours . . . even if you weren't voted "Most Likely to Succeed." Confidence, you see, has nothing to do with your background, your bank account, or your body type. It's not the result of accomplishments, friendships, or travels. True confidence is inside you.

That's where God is making you the woman HE wants you to be--giving you the ability to handle whatever challenges life throws your way. That's real success . . .

Confidence in Action
Abigail

When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say.
1 Samuel 25:23-24 NIV

How many women have the confidence to believe they could stop an army?

Abigail of Maon, married to Nabal, lived in a culture in which women had little social or legal power. Her own talents would have been focused on her home, not the court or the battlefield. Yet, while Abigail would have been seen as little more than the wife of a fool by her society, she was far from powerless. Scripture describes her as intelligent and beautiful, and even her husband’s servants relied on her wisdom when Nabal put the household at risk with his foolish pride.

The reason was that Abigail had a secret weapon: God. Faced with the news than an angry king was leading an equally enraged army toward her home, she didn’t hesitate. Trusting in God’s protection--and in her belief that David was indeed a man after God’s own heart--she confronted the king and begged him to hear her. She appealed to his own belief in God’s mercy and judgment, and she asked him to let God deal with Nabal.

Abigail had the intelligence and wisdom to know what to do, but her confidence to put her knowledge into action had only one source--the same source every believing woman can draw on. Standing on a mountain path, with only food-laden donkeys at her back, Abigail was at the complete mercy of David’s rage. He could have killed her without question and gone on to slaughter her family and servants. As he most likely would have had she not had the courage to intervene.

Her belief in God, however, gave her the confidence to stand up in front of four hundred men and declare that letting God lead was a better path to follow.

The result must have astonished the king’s men. David listened to this humble woman, overwhelmed by her confidence and wisdom. His rage vanished; he called her blessed. After Nabal died, David further rewarded her by making Abigail his wife.

No matter what our gifts and talents, they are made even more powerful when put into action under God’s guidance. Trusting Him, believing in His power within us, gives all believers the confidence to take action.

Regroup

This morning, I found out I had to present three books at sales conference. As in, present them this afternoon. Scurry, scurry, where's my TUMS?! But it went okay, and it's all behind me . . . now, to regroup and refocus my efforts on the WIPs on my desk and get past the high anxiety of being on stage.

Trust me, it was a lot like being on stage. Exhilaration before, the jitters and sweats while waiting for my turn (in the wings), then relief when the first joke actually gets a laugh.

Afterwards, it's almost like a post-project drop - that strange time for writers that occurs just after you type "The End," which can be two of the most dangerous words in the world . . . because they can completely stop your momentum . . . if you let them. It doesn't help that I'm about to ALSO type "The End" on Picture Perfect Murder.

I plan to set that one aside, too, until January - unless I get a nibble from an agent. I want to do the primary first edit on it, taking my time, but I also need to work on getting Clues in the Clay finished and off to SH. I have so many ideas bubbling, that I have to put a lid on them so I can do the work.

Discipline. Now . . . if I could just apply it to my housework. . . .

Breathless

This is Rachel's first day back at school, and the day before sales conference. It has literally been a non-stop day, starting at 4:30. I had all kinds of pithy things I wanted to post, but most have gone the way of all memory tidbits on a swamped day. I wanted to talk about Secrets, as well as a few other thoughts on writing and the business of bookselling, but I'm out of energy.

I have an article due on Thursday, so I have to take a couple of deep breaths, head home, and find a new starting place. At least I've done all the research, so all that's left is the writing. Then I'm doing a workshop at our local RWA group this Saturday on synopses. Fortunately, CSI: Miami is a rerun tonight.

I'm breathless, but my mind is still buzzing. But that's probably due more to the Mountain Dew Code Red I had an hour ago than to any kind of creative spurt.

Secrets of Confidence [Edited]

Yep, I've moved the cover, but just to move it up to another entry. I'm going to be pitching Secrets as a great stocking stuffer (and it IS!), especially for young girls.

This makes two devotional books I have out, although the first one, A Moment with God for Single Parents, is officially out of print. Apparently, Amazon still has a few, but I probably have the best stock.

Soon, I'll get into that other problem I'm still wrasslin' with...that infamous "horns of a dilemma."

Out of Chaos...

Rachel has been ill; work has been overwhelming. I've not felt like blogging. Since I don't really think more than a couple of folks read here, I haven't said as much.

A touch of good news: Secrets of Confidence is out. It has a great cover, and not very expensive. Click on the link and check it out. I'll try to post the cover a little while later, when I've had more caffeine, protein, and ibuprofen. Sleep would be nice, but that'll have to wait...