I've discovered that one of the things that drags me down fastest about a project firestorm is that I thrive best on a sense of accomplishment derived from getting LOTS of stuff done on LOTS of projects. Focusing on the problems, putting out fires, driving all my energy into one project makes me nuts. I feel as if I'm stuck.
I honestly don't know how people function properly without goals achieved and dreams enhanced.
Yesterday, I unshouldered one of the tasks that had been nagging me - a touch of yard work. I trimmed all the bushes and watered everything thoroughly. Neatened up the outside a bit. Still more to do, but those can wait until I get a little more past the intellectual work that's been piling up. But it was one of those things that I finished with sore muscles and a sigh of satisfaction.
Finished one more task today. More waiting tonight. :)
I think this becomes ingrained in us as writers. We HAVE to write, see the words out, get the book or story finished. Otherwise, something in our soul starts to stagnant and fester. To lance the wound, we write.
Soon, very soon, back to the writing.
So...a month later, I wonder if I have any readers left.
When I returned from Houston, I walked into a firestorm at work. It has consumed my mind, my energy, my drive. In the middle of it, I had two head colds (or maybe it was one that took a short vacation), an abscessed tooth, and the first half of a root canal. The doc put me on antibiotics and hydrocodone, to which I had a violent reaction that immobilized me for almost 48 hours. When I felt well, I worked longer hours, but got even farther behind on important projects. I've written nary a word, and I have more than 300 emails waiting for a response.
It's been a rough month. But I hate whining, so I just didn't blog. My attitude has stunk most of the past four weeks. I've been one supremely grouchy writer, and any down time was spent catatonic on the couch, watching DEXTER.
But I THINK/HOPE/PRAY I am in turnaround stage. The firestorm is lessening. The tooth still bothers me, but the pain has abated. I'm starting to be productive again on other things besides that one all-consuming project. And I've set some deadlines for personal issues.
Sometimes, it's not easy to keep all the plates spinning and balls in the air. Sometimes, "balance" is a mere illusion that we have because we're usually so good at it - as writers, parents, workers, friends. But I fall into the ego-driven trap that since I WANT to do something, I CAN do it. Problem is, I say "yes" to too much. Not out of guilt or a feeling of responsibility, but because I WANT to. I want to produce shows and dive and read X number of books and write so many hours of the day and participate in this program and that, and where's my flute and that cross-stitch project for my mom...
This is one reason I'm not THE BEST at any one thing. There are just WAY too many interesting things to do in this world. And somewhere along the way, I fell into the illusion that I could do them all. Even with an abscessed tooth...